Finally got the job of my dreams. Working in politics. I never actually believed this would happen to me and I spend most days amazed at the thought that I’m working inside the building I used to perceive as unattainable, far beyond my reach. It’s an exhausting joy, especially during elections.
To say that I’m learning new things everyday is an understatement of epic proportions. I’m dealing with situations that leave me utterly speechless and fully incapable of selecting a reaction of any kind. The more time passes, however, the more I learn to deal with people, scenarios, and interactions that would have baffled me even two months ago.
I’m watching myself grow day by day and it’s scary. I’m turning more and more into somebody else, somebody that I don’t strictly speaking dislike, but the change is so dramatic, progressive and abrupt, and I am so overwhelmed with work that I don’t have the proper time to process what’s going on with and within me.
First of all I’m learning more and more how to have conversations. How to say less in a more diplomatic way. How to expect less from the people around me. How to hope for less and work for more simultaneously. How to overcome disappointment, anger, longing, desire, how to become more and more robotic, faster and faster, more productive, always looking sharp and with a smile on my face. There were moments when I feared this effort would push me to lose my mind.
I used to think, in my other life, in another universe, that I have lived the maximum amount of pain, and that I would never again hurt like a dog and feel myself emptied of any meaning, and molded by a burning hot rage that I could only envision being quenched by a moment of violence. But I was wrong. Politics will do that to you.
I am even more so surprised by the passion I’m able to feel, in several aspects of my life. I wanted to be surrounded by love, and I am. Maybe not in the way I expected, maybe not in the way I asked, but I am surrounded by my ability to love people, animals, concepts, ideas, dreams, envisioned worlds.
May the force be with us, to guide us and sustain us in this new life.